


Phases

by ninthdreamie



Series: 1SSH [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Neglect, Excessive Drinking, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Trust Issues, implied flings in jaemin’s part, jaemin (unknowingly) breaks jeno’s heart a lot here, jeonghan is jaemin’s sibling in here AGAIN, jeonghan is mentioned, this is bffs to lovers but kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21757021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninthdreamie/pseuds/ninthdreamie
Summary: It’s amazing, really. The things you do for love. The things you do for the one you love. The things you do when you fall in love.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: 1SSH [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568077
Kudos: 32





	Phases

**Author's Note:**

> EEEEE hi this 1ssh entry is more hopeful compared to the first two, and that’s nice. i don’t wanna write too much sad stuff unu um enjoy this one!

**_When I’m kissing ya, grippin’ your thigh_ **

**_I realized you were destined and meant to be mine_ **

_—_

It’s amazing, really. The things you do for love. The things you do for the one you love. The things you do when you fall in love.

Four years of trying his best to put his feelings aside. Four years of spending many nights spamming his phone with text messages telling him to keep safe. Four years of just being his right hand man.

Jeno honestly thought that that’s all he will ever be. He was okay with that, he didn’t want to make things more complicated than it already is.

But boy, Jaemin is such a charmer—and said boy has been wanting to kiss him the whole night, so who is he to deny anything he asks?

And he’s not sober. Definitely not drunk, just tipsy enough to not remember _every single thing_ that is happening. He’ll probably forget this, and that’s okay.

He just has to act like it was nothing. Act like the way he is holding his body close while kissing him doesn’t mean anything. That’s what Jaemin wants, always. But it’s hard.

It’s hard, being in love. Falling completely for someone who might not love you back. Them owning your heart but not owning theirs. Their eyes not on you, but on other things, and other people.

But being the stupid person that he usually is, he gets carried away by the feelings he has been holding for so long, by what he wants, by what he wishes them to be.

The world has been still for awhile, and it seems like it isn’t going to spin anytime soon. Not when he pulls away and he sees tears brimming in the corners of Jaemin’s eyes as he anxiously asks, “Would you believe me if I said I love you?”

In his head, he answers. _I want to believe you._ But he keeps quiet, does not say anything. He stops himself from getting hurt even more. He stops himself from letting Jaemin break his heart.

“I understand.”

Jaemin utters, cutting the silence, the tears sliding down his cheeks. The grip of his fists on his shoulders weakens, about to let go. Jeno wants to tell himself that this is his best friend’s loneliness talking, but no.

This doesn’t seem like his loneliness is talking. Still not wanting his hopes up, he cautiously asks, “What are you trying to say?”

Four brown eyes meet, and in that moment, Jeno begins to understand.

  
—  
  


**_Tryna find a new you, but I heard you got lost. Tryna figure your worth; what the hell does that cost?_ **

_—_

Jeno knew Jaemin from word of mouth. A heartbreaker, they said. A guy who roams the night for too long, and also does not stay for too long too, they said. A guy unfazed by the pain that comes with love, they said.

All those words did not lead him to think of him that way, but rather, he wanted to know him in his own perspective. So Jeno’s openness led him to knowing Jaemin. Now no one knows the latter like he does.

A year of friendship and Jaemin confirmed all those rumors one Saturday night. “You know, hearts wouldn’t be broken if they didn’t expect me to change for them.” Jeno thinks that he does have a point, because he is his own person after all.

No hearts will be breaking if no one offers them in the first place.

It’s something that Jaemin stands with, a defense mechanism which he created from all of the personal baggage he has. Being emotionally distant from his mom and dad. Being on bad terms with his older brother, Jeonghan; he does not exactly know the problem in detail. Having a history of what seemed to be meaningful friendships but they all ended too soon, because those _friends_ ended up becoming his enemies.

One broken connection after the other. If he were in Jaemin’s shoes, he’d give up on everyone too.

“But you give me hope,” Jaemin slurs, shitfaced drunk but most of all vulnerable in so many aspects. “And I don’t want to trust you, only for you to break it.”

Jaemin does not remember everything about the conversation they had during that Saturday night, but Jeno does. Every single word. Every single sob. Every single hug.

“You can trust me, I promise.”

Who would have thought that at that very Saturday night, Jeno would already give Jaemin all of his heart, knowing how it’s gonna end. Knowing how ugly it would be.

Who knew.

  
—  
  


**_But who am I to conflict with you living your life? Just know when you call, I’m at the end of the line._ **

  
—  
  


After that night, Jeno’s once calm and boring life has never been the same.

Of course, Jaemin lets him know more and more about what he does to kill time. Indeed, he is a heartbreaker: someone who charms, kisses and touches, and then leaves just as sparks fly. He does these without mercy, disregards people’s emotions, forgetting their names and faces so quick.

Still, even if he forgets all of the people’s hearts he screwed over, Jeno can’t help but feel sick in the stomach. He can’t help that he sometimes gets so, so angry that he cries it out. He can’t help but get hurt—because in a way, Jaemin is messing with his heart as well.

But time does wonders to people. Eventually, he got used to the whirlwind of negative emotions in him. He got used to getting contacted by his drunk best friend at four in the morning. He got used to the fact that Jaemin was out there fucking around with anyone who was willing.

He is his best friend, after all. He can’t do much other than be aware of what he does.

Still does not change the fact that Jaemin will always, _always_ make Jeno cry once he hangs up.

  
  
—  
  
  


**_I’ll practice my patience while you’re getting wasted, until fate brings you home._ **

  
—  
  
  


It’s funny how despite all of that, Jeno loves Jaemin still, even if he is such a fucking mess. Even if he still breaks many hearts along with his own. Even if he is still lost and trying to find himself. Even if he isn’t ready.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin whimpers, the tears multiplying. “Just...forget I asked that, for us. Please.”

“Why?” Jeno asks, and he sounds so choked up, so frustrated and confused and sad. He feels his eyes getting heavy. He didn’t want the question to come out like that.

Too late. Jaemin cries even harder, his sobs silent as his hands proceed to hold his face, the feeling of his palms against his cheeks feather-like. Jeno feels his thumb caress his cheeks gently. Is he already crying as well?

“I don’t wanna let you down. Don’t wanna break your heart.”

_You already did. You already do._ But he does not have to know that, because it isn’t his fault. Because Jeno knows he will still love him, despite the shit he’s going through. Because he knows that they’ll still be together for a long time; he could wait as much as he wants.

Because through Jaemin, Jeno already knows that love is seeing past the pain and appreciating it for what it is.  
  
  
—  
  


**_I’ll wait through your phases._ **

  
—  
  


Rather than telling him that it’s okay, that he can take all the pain, he tells him what he wants him to hear. He tells him the words he has been needing, the words he always wanted to hear from all of the people who broke his heart.

“I love you.” Jeno kisses his tear-stained cheeks with his swollen lips. He usually struggles with these, always finds himself wanting to cringe whenever he lets it come out of his mouth, but tonight is not the case.

Jaemin’s soft cries get louder. Pain and gratefulness are heard in his sobs—a very weird combination, yet cathartic. His shoulders tremble violently, but his arms still manage to circle around his neck, pulling him closer.

“I’m so sorry, Jeno.”

“I love you,” Jeno tells him again, but it comes off firmer. More sincere. More of the love and understanding he wants to express.

Amidst the tears shed, Jaemin manages to laugh, but it doesn’t sound sad. It doesn’t reflect the brokenness. He sounds like he is complete, like his heart has never been stomped on before. He sounds like he knows that he is loved, and he is basking in it.

Four brown eyes meet again, and Jaemin begins to understand the pool of emotions in his orbs. Those eyes have been trying to say something for a long time, and he barely understood them.

He is proud to say that he does now.

It feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest when he says it back. “I love you so much.” And then he leans in, pressing his lips against Jeno’s.


End file.
